I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
