That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize