His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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