Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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