I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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