Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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