well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
