so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
3 2 1 whiskey
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
