He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
