so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
