As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
