Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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