Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
