dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
