Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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