If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
