My friends, they love my intelligence
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
