do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
