so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
