so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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