getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
