2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Do you still have your period?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
