Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
