Pappa wants mamma naked
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
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