Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
