my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
