im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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