Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
