oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
