When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
