Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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