Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
