if only i could text you this smell
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
