It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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