at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
