so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
