I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
