Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
