I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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