So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
