it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
