FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I need a beard to bite.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
