Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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