Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
