you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
