Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
