i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
