Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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