no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
