Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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