Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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