In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
