dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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