i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
